and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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