The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize