That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
