did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
