after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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