threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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