a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
