Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
