I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
