I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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