smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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