The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
