On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
