# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
