i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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