Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
