she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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