He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I am naked and annoyed.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
