YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Even my vagina gasped.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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