did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
