we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
