my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
