dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
