how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
