Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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