Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
