tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
