It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
