In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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