im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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