Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
