So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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