dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
