If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
