A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
