I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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