shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I had to cum in my sink.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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