and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
