I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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