I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I am available for nakedness
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
