Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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