i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We got so high we made milksteak
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize