Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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