I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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