MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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