i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I am spending my child support on dildos
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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