Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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