well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
be right there i have to get my cape
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
as a side note pls kill me
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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