youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
