I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
