My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
