you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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