Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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