Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
