i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
