so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
