Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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