I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
