if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
