why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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