Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
