I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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