Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
