lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
