I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
