I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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