I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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