He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
