This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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