Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize