Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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