Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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