Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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