Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
