I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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