I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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