So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
