you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
