dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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