Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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