They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
