the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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