There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize