I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize