Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
