What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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