hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
