You're so nebulous sometimes
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
