PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
His nipple licking is glorious
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