so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
