I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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