I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
