Farmville is her only friend.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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