so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize