How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
