Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
