He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
