connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
