I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
