He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
