I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
