It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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