i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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