You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
