apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
