I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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