1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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