I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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