I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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