everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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