I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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