I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
