New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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