Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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