He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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